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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839030">Never Forgive Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaserV/pseuds/LaserV'>LaserV</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I’m Sorry [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression, Educational, Gen, Murder, Self Harm, Suicide, Violence, eating diaorders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:56:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23839030</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaserV/pseuds/LaserV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack started to get jealous of his dads because they have such perfect bodies. He tries to exercise, but he just can’t. So after a google search, he finds something to try. Anorexia.</p>
<p>He gets offered help, but he always declines. Dean would help him the wring way. Cas wouldn’t even know what to do. Jack could tell Sam, but that would break Sam’s heart. Either way, Jack doesn’t want to stop. Adam, however, wants to help. Jack screws it up, big time.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jack Kline/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>I’m Sorry [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717762</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Never Forgive Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaserMumu/gifts">LaserMumu</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! Sorry it’s very long. I worked really hard on this. I hope you like it. This will also be posted in Wattpad, again by me.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jack stared into the mirror. He traced his ribs. Jack moved to look at his full body. He admired how the muscles worked. Jack was stripped down to his boxers. Jack pinched a bit of thin skin on his forearm. He looked at the mess of blood covering his body. He looked back on how he got there.</p>
<p>————</p>
<p>It all happened when he started to notice how fit his dads were. Sam always worked out. Dean and Cas ran together after breakfast a snack lunch. Jack just realized how twiggy he looked. When his dads were out he tried to do pull-ups, but he just wasn’t built for that.</p>
<p>Jack sighed as he fell back onto his bed, arms sprawled out. He pushed his bangs aside from his face. The bunkers air conditioning broke so it was like Hell but still better. </p>
<p>Jack sat up and opened his laptop. He didn’t want a muscular body. He just felt...overweight. Especially around them. Not to mention the looks at the celebration dinner after he killed Chuck.</p>
<p>A bunch of hunters were there. There was Jody, Claire, Bobby, Charlie and others! Jack felt so proud of himself but was starving. So he got food. A lot.</p>
<p>He was chomping down in his dinner when he noticed some of the others giving him looks that just said what they were thinking.</p>
<p>“Pig.”</p>
<p>“How could someone eat that much?”</p>
<p>“Ooh, that stomach’s gonna blow.”</p>
<p>Those were the nicest. Jack ignored it because he was starving. I mean, he had just killed God!</p>
<p>....</p>
<p>Jack thought about those looks over and over again as he typed “how to lose weight fast” into google.</p>
<p>There were articles on exercising and gym memberships. Then diets and things like that. Then there was a few about eating less. Jack read it and it spoke about not to do it too much cause it caused something called “anorexia”. The article said it was bad but to Jack it seemed like a dream come true. He probably wouldn’t have the same effects since he was half archangel and not fully human.</p>
<p>Later Jack would realize this was wrong.</p>
<p>Jack looked into anorexia and felt he enacted to try. It would on,y be trying. He’d just skip lunch.</p>
<p>Jack bought a scale to measure his weight. He scribbled down his original weight in a leather notebook.</p>
<p>“185 lbs”</p>
<p>He stopped eating lunch for about 2 weeks. Everyday he would write down his weight. He hid the scale and the note book.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Jack sat down on his bed. He laid  down and closed his eyes. His thoughts roamed in his head. If you don’t need lunch. Why need breakfast, or dinner? Jack pulled his shirt up and traced his stomach. He didn’t like it. All the fat. The truth was, Jack was fairly regular. He remembered the last number he wrote in his notebook.</p>
<p>“173 lbs”</p>
<p>“Jack! Dinner!” He heard Cas call his name. The word “Dinner” rung in his head. He gagged.</p>
<p>Despite it he got up and went to the dining room. While walking through the hallway he noticed a familiar smell that made him gag again. Pizza.</p>
<p>Jack sat down and was handed a slice of pizza by Sam. He smiled and looked down at the greasy piece of cheese and bread on his plate. Jack ripped tiny pieces off and moved them around his plate. He didn’t expect Dean to notice.</p>
<p>Dean was giving him an angry/concerned look. Jack smiled and stared at the floppy piece of pizza. Jack looked back up at Dean. </p>
<p>“Eat.” Dean mouthed. His glare was full of fury. Jack knew Dean cared about his health, but just had trouble expressing it.</p>
<p>Jack mournfully placed the greasy slice into his mouth and pulled off a bite connected by thing strings of cheese. He smiled at Dean, who just gave him an approved glance.</p>
<p>Jack excused himself to his room. He laid on his bed. He felt so heavy. Seeing a number higher than before would destroy him. Jack suddenly got an idea. Jack got up and crept to the bathroom. He locked the door and turned on the sink.</p>
<p>Jack knelt down over the toilet. He had read about this in an article. Jack stuck his middle and index finger down his throat. He started to gag. He gagged over and over again. He felt the chunks coming up. Plop! One fell into the toilet. Then another. And another. Jack finally felt it was all gone. He rinsed his hands and flushed the toilet. Then he left.</p>
<p>Jack felt much better. Yet the aftertaste of vomit lingered.</p>
<p>Jack woke up the next day and followed up on his routine. Pee, measure, write it down.</p>
<p>“173.4 lbs”</p>
<p>0.4 above his last number. Jack almost lost it. He had worked so hard and he got this? He could only let is go. It was only 0.4 after all.</p>
<p>Weeks passed. Dean kept putting food in front of Jack. Of course he had to eat it. Otherwise Dean would find out. Of course, this just lead to purging.</p>
<p>He went down for breakfast. The number roamed through his mind.</p>
<p>“103 lbs”</p>
<p>Dean gave him an odd smile as he placed a stack of pancakes in front of Jack. Jack smiled back.</p>
<p>“Eat it.” He whispered. “Or I’ll shove it down your throat.”</p>
<p>Jack nodded.</p>
<p>“Your hair looks different.” Sam commented.</p>
<p>“Oh I just cut it.” Jack replied nervously. He glanced at Dean who was just staring his pancakes. Jack tried not to gag.</p>
<p>“Well it looks nice.” Sam replied before take a bite of his pancakes.</p>
<p>Cas looked confusingly at Jack and whispered into his ear. “Your hair isn’t any shorter.”</p>
<p>“Oh it was just a bit off the top.” Jack whispered back. Cas was still a little suspicious. </p>
<p>Truth was, one of the effects of long term eating disorders was hair thinning. Jack took a few mournful bites of pancakes.</p>
<p>“So, I found this case and investigated the crime scene. I found this necklace which just gave an eerie vibe.” Dean spoke.</p>
<p>“Can I see it?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Dean replied. Jack stretched his hand across the table and took the necklace. </p>
<p>He expanded it for about 45 seconds before having it back to Dean followed by the word “cool.”</p>
<p>Dean may have not noticed it when he handed the necklace to Jack, but when Jack have it back, he saw the tinge if blue covering his fingertips. That was side effect of anorexia.</p>
<p>Dean also noticed how he could see the trace of bones in Jack’s hand. Dean was confused. Jack’s face looked fine. Rather a little puffy actually. Jack’s veins popped just a bit. You could see the color more as if the skin was thinner. Dean was horrified but kept it to himself. He decided to talk about it later.</p>
<p>It was around lunch and they were all still talking.</p>
<p>“Can I get some water? I’m really thirsty.” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“Of course, you don’t need to ask.” Sam replied.</p>
<p>Jack gave Sam a polite smile and went off to the kitchen. This was Dean’s chance. He waited a few seconds and then got up. He entered the kitchen to see Jack shrugging down a glass of water and filling it up again as if he hadn’t drank water in days. </p>
<p>One of the side effects of bulimia was dehydration.</p>
<p>“Jack?” Dean stepped into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Jack turned around and wiped water from the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, Dean?” He smiled sweetly.</p>
<p>“I’ve noticed you’ve changed. You’ve gotten so...skinny. What’s going on?” Dean asked, taking a few more steps closer.</p>
<p>“Nothing.” Jack replied. His smile disappeared. He placed the glass into the sink.</p>
<p>“Jack...you can be honest with me.” Dean spoke. He smiled a reassuring smile. Jack didn’t like the feeling that came with that smile.</p>
<p>“Nothing, I promise.” Jack replied dryly.</p>
<p>Dean took another step towards Jack and took his hand. He traced the veins. “Jack,” Dean looked into Jack’s watery eyes. “I know something is wrong.”</p>
<p>Jack looked stared at Dean, speechless. He sniffled. Jack decided he could trust Dean. He was wrong. “I...I haven’t-um- been....eating.” Jack managed to stutter out.</p>
<p>Dean’s eyes went from sympathetic to anger. Jack felt a hand across his cheek and kick to the stomach. Jack hunched over.</p>
<p>“Are you stupid?!” Dean yelled loudly, but loud enough for Sam or Cas to hear. Jack looked up and Dean and tried t say something, but Dean cut him off. “How can you be so-“ Dean stopped and left the room. Well, not before a punch to the stomach. Maybe Jack shouldn’t have told Dean.</p>
<p>Jack slipped past his three dads and to his room. He sat in his bed and out his head in hands. </p>
<p>...</p>
<p>A few days had passed. Jack still continued with his routine. Dean had given him multiple “lectures” that just ended with him slapping him in the face and storming out of the room. Sam and Cas still hadn’t found out. Jack peed, went back to his room, weighed himself, and wrote down the number in his notebook.</p>
<p>“105.5 lbs”</p>
<p>Jack loose weight slower and slower as his addiction grew. You might be wondering why it was a higher number. Well, Jack had his first binge. He went so long, but he just <br/>couldn’t stop himself. </p>
<p>...</p>
<p>It was the middle of the night. Jack was laying through another one of his sleepless nights. That is yet, another side effect from bulimia. </p>
<p>Jack rolled over. He couldn’t ignore his hunger anymore. He only eats when Dean forces h8m, and Dean didn’t really want to see him anymore. Jack sat up. He stood and steadied himself before tip-toeing to the kitchen. He took a box of cereal and purée the cereal into his mouth. He took handfuls. He finished the box and through it out. Jack took apartheid sized bag of chips and ate it. All of it. Jack leaned back the kitchen counter, fumbling with the bag of chips in his hand. He placed a hand in hi stomach. He was still so hungry, but he already knew his number would be higher than the last time. He didn’t want to lose all his progress. Jack was so close to 100 pounds! His goal was 115, but Jack liked seeing a lower number. Jack forced himself to his bathroom and shoved two fingers down his throat. </p>
<p>By the time he was done, his middle finger was blistered. Jack sat on the floor, his back leaned against the wall. Jack closed his eyes for a bit and imagined that dreaded higher number. Jack got up and flushed the clumpy mess down. He washed his hands. Jack knew he didn’t through up all of it. Frankly, a part of him didn’t want to.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>This lead to Jack sitting on the bed, only thinking about his number. Jack examined the scars and sores of his knuckles. There were also calluses. These were from friction caused by the purging.</p>
<p>Jack walked to the dining table. Today was Sam’s birthday. They were going to invite friends and family over to celebrate. Some of which had already arrived. Like Jody, <br/>Claire and Alex.</p>
<p>“Jack! How’s my favorite Nephilim doing?” Jody. greeted him She hugged him briefly. That was to Jack’s relief. If she had hugged him any longer she would’ve noticed how his bones popped out of his back</p>
<p>“I’m the only Nephilim you know. And good.” Jack chuckled.</p>
<p>“Your voice is a little scratchy. Rather Is ay raspy.” Jody asked. She looked so concerned.</p>
<p>“Oh. I’ve had a cough lately.” Jack replied. Sam and Cas looked up at him. “No blood, I promise!” Jack added, causing Sam and Cas to laugh. Dean just ignored him.</p>
<p>A while passed as they all caught up.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Claire asked. “You cheek is a little red and bruised.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I was reading up on my father and ran into a wall.” Jack chuckled. He was pretty good at lying. “It really hurt. Everybody laughed at me.” </p>
<p>Claire chuckled. “Happened to me before. Jody wouldn’t stop bringing it up for weeks.” Jack laughed.</p>
<p>Jack and Dean made eye contact for a second before Dean looked away. Jack traced his cheek. Dena knew very well those were from his little “lectures”.</p>
<p>The rest of the guests came and it was nice. Well, except for the overwhelming smell of food. It was so tempting to Jack, but he knew he couldn’t.</p>
<p>“I’m tired. I think I’m gonna go get some sleep.” Jack spoke. Truth is, Jack wasn’t tired. Despite not sleeping for a three days straight. </p>
<p>“Alright. Goodnight, Jack.” Sam replied. It was like Sam only cared about him. Of course there was Cas, but he was so quiet.</p>
<p>Jack made his way to his bedroom. He wasn’t aware of Dean following him. Jack sat on his bed and heard his door reopen and shut. Jack turned to face whoever entered his room.</p>
<p>It was Dean.</p>
<p>Jack’s body trembled as he stood from his bed. He backed away from Dean, who had a neutral expression on his face.</p>
<p>Jack backed into a corner. Dean stepped closer. It was time for another “lecture”. Dean noticed Jack hadn’t eaten anything that whole day. </p>
<p>“Please go away...” Jack spoke weakly. He was still trembling.</p>
<p>Dean only stared at him with a dead look in his eyes. Dean raised his hand to hit Jack but stopped when,</p>
<p>“GEAT AWAY FROM ME!” Jack screamed through sobs. His words echoed through the bunker.</p>
<p>Dean backed away. “We’re not doe with this.” He whispered.</p>
<p>Dean left the room.</p>
<p>...</p>
<p>Dean entered the dining room.</p>
<p>“What was that about?” Sam asked.</p>
<p>“I was just asking if he was okay. He didn’t eat any cake. He loves cake.” Dean started to lie. “He was really cranky. I guess he was really tired.”</p>
<p>Something in Claire’s mind clicked. It sounded like Jack was crying. Claire excused herself and slipped into Jack’s room. </p>
<p>...</p>
<p>He was still in the corner. He was curled up into a ball, his head hidden behind his knees. He was still sobbing.</p>
<p>“Jack?” Claire spoke. She shut the door behind her.</p>
<p>The sobbing stopped. “Claire!” Jack greeted. “What do you need?” Jack smiled at her.</p>
<p>“I heard you crying. You don’t have to fake it.” Claire replied. Jack’s smile completely vanished and his shoulders slumped. “What happened with Dean?” She asked, sitting down next to him.</p>
<p>“H-he was just going to..talk to me. A lecture.” Jack replied. His eyes were glossy from tears. There were bloodshot and red-rimmed. He wiped his cheeks.</p>
<p>“You’re lying. I can see it in your eyes. You know you can trust me, Jack.” Claire reassured.</p>
<p>“He...He was going to talk to me...but...they usually end different.” Jack replied, tracing his bruised cheek.</p>
<p>“Oh. I’m sorr-“ Claire was cut off by Jack.</p>
<p>“Don’t be.” He spoke. He smiled weakly at her but that quickly faded.</p>
<p>“Are you hungry? I noticed you haven’t been eating.” Claire asked.</p>
<p>Jack vigorously shook his head ‘no’. “Would you like to watch a movie with me?” He asked, quickly changing the subject.</p>
<p>“Sure.” Claire replied.</p>
<p>The two quickly got onto the bed and turned on the computer. The got into the blanket, still sitting up. Claire picked the movie. It was “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker”</p>
<p>The sat together and watched. Jack wan’t in the blanket anymore. As the laid down his shirt rode up. Claire didn’t say anything, but she noticed how skinny he was.</p>
<p>Jack woke up the next morning. He went to pee and weighed himself.</p>
<p>“104.9 lbs”</p>
<p>Jack hid his note book and scale before going down for breakfast. All guests were gone and Jack greeted his dads. He gave Dean a glance.</p>
<p>Nobody seemed to question what happened the day before. Jack assumed Dean cleared things.</p>
<p>Jack ate a bit of pancake before heading to the bathroom. Jack turned on the sink and proceeded with his routine.</p>
<p>He was about half way done when he heard a knock on the door.</p>
<p>“Jack? You in there?”</p>
<p>It was Sam. Jack froze. He quickly flushed and washed his hands.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Jack called back.</p>
<p>“I wanted to know if you wanted to join us on our hunt.” Sam spoke.</p>
<p>“Um, sure.” Jack replied.</p>
<p>Jack, Sam, Cas, and Dean packed their things and hit the road. Jack was feeling nervous. He wouldn’t be able to track his weight.</p>
<p>It was halfway through the ride when Dean and Sam decided to stop for food. Jack had tried to protest but he didn’t want to get caught.</p>
<p>They stopped at a diner. They sat at their table. Jack felt like he was going to die. The smell of food from the other tables scared him. Jack looked at the menu and wanted to gag at the pictures of food. Not that they looked disgusting. It was just the calorie count. Jack tried to just sit there when the waitress came to take their order.</p>
<p>She was about to leave when Dean said one last thing.</p>
<p>“And the kid will take a grilled cheese.”</p>
<p>Jack didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to throw up. The aftertaste was horrible. First of all, grilled cheeses are nasty. Second of all, Jack’s jaw aches a bit. Maybe it all the throwing up. He did you his jaw a lot for that.</p>
<p>When the food came everybody was focused on their food. Sam had a sandwich. Dean had a pie. And Cas ate a burger. Jack pushed his plate away. Dean looked up and noticed. He gave one of the fakest smile sin history and scotched the plate back towards Jack.</p>
<p>Jack ate a bit and ripped bits apart small enough to make it seem like he ate more than he did. Jack excused himself to the bathroom and threw up. He heard someone enter the bathroom but just kept doing his business. He really should’ve stopped, be abuse it was Dean who had went to the bathroom. </p>
<p>Jack asked his hands and went to leave. However, he was stopped by Dean. </p>
<p>“Jack.” Dean spoke as the kid turned around. “Were you throwing up?”</p>
<p>“Um..well, yes. The grilled cheese didn’t sit well.” Jack replied.</p>
<p>“That fast okay?” Dean spoke before they walked back together.</p>
<p>They were dealing with a ghost. So they had to burn the bones.</p>
<p>Jack was sent to dig the grave despite his noodle arms. Jack struggled and felt lightheaded at sometimes. He didn finish the job, however. Dean reached out to grab Jack's hand and pull him up. When Dean wrapped his hand around Jack's, he could feel every bone. He saw those bluish fingertips and noticed thing sin his knuckles. scars, callouses, and sores. Jack noticed and immediately pulled away once he was steadied on the grass.</p>
<p>Thanks when they saw the ghost. Holding a knife. It started to run towards the group. Cas, Sam and Dean worked towards burning the bones and Jack just stood there. He didn’t know what to do. He was tired from the digging. He felt lightheaded and hadn’t fully processed what was happening. He just felt a pain in his bloated stomach. </p>
<p>Being bloated is another side effect of bulimia.</p>
<p>Out of instinct Jack grabbed the wound and stumbled a bit. They burned the bone sand the ghost disappeared. Unfortunately, it has stabbed Jack.</p>
<p>His three dads surrounded him. He moved his hand to heal it but Sam stopped him.</p>
<p>“You May have killed Chuck, but Amara is still after you.” Sam explained. “Cas can do it.”</p>
<p>Jack froze. “It’s fine. I can do it myself.”</p>
<p>“No.” Dean spoke firmly. “Amara will find us and kill us. Cas will do it.”</p>
<p>Cas stayed silent but moved towards Jack.</p>
<p>Cas lifted Jack’s shirt and Jack shifted around. He hoped the wound would distract Cas from his easily-seen ribs. Thankfully, it did.</p>
<p>They all walked back to Baby. </p>
<p>They at just exited the cemetery and Dean just unlocked the car when Jack started feeling lightheaded. Jack started to feel dizzy. His head arched and his stomach hurt. It was so painful until Jack fell to the ground, his head hitting a rock.</p>
<p>Jack woke up in his bed. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light.</p>
<p>“Jack? Jack do you feel alright?” Jack heard a worried voice ask. It was Sam.</p>
<p>“Yeah...” Jack sat up all while Sam saying things like “Take it easy.” Or “Woah, woah.”</p>
<p>Jack looked around the room. It was just Sam. He could hear the distant chatter of Cas and Dean. He only heard snippets.</p>
<p>“You’ve been off since Jack was attacked.” And “what are you hiding?” Jack assumed it was Dean do to the anger in the voice and its sound. It was deep.</p>
<p>“No...I’d never lie to you. I promise.” Jack summed that was Cas.</p>
<p>“Why are they arguing?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>Sam gave him a quick smile and shrugged his shoulders. “Are you hungry?” He asked, quickly changing the subject.</p>
<p>“Um...no.” Jack replied. He went to lay back down as a Sam tensed ready to help him with anything.</p>
<p>Jack moved his hen to his head.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah. You passed out and your head landed on a rock.” Sam explained. Jack nodded and went to rest with a smile.</p>
<p>It was all to familiar to Sam. Dean and Cas arguing in the hallway. Him by Jack’s bed side. Jack talking to him briefly before going back to sleep. Sam seeing a slight glimpse of his pain as he did so. The smile Jack had on his face. Sam remembered how emotionally traumatized watching what he saw as his child, die in front of his eyes.</p>
<p>Jack woke up alone. He got up and winced do to the pain in his head. He needed to weigh himself. He stood up and steadied himself with every step. Jack took the scale and stood on it. He took his journal and wrote his number down. He then hid his things as quickly as possible and slipped back into his bed. His head still ached as he thought of the number, it being the only thing to think about.</p>
<p>“100.1 lbs”</p>
<p>Jack looked at his clock that said the date. July 16th. He had been unconscious for 3 days.</p>
<p>Jack listened to a phone call that seemed to be Sam calling some friends.</p>
<p>“Yeah he woke up.” Sam spoke. Jack could sense the excitement in his voice. “Cas had healed his head but the pain is still there.” Sam pauses of a bit, listening to the other person talking before replying, “Yeah he’s on bed rest.”</p>
<p>Then Jack heard Dean and Cas arguing in the distance.</p>
<p>“Seriously, something is wrong. What are you keeping from me?” Dean sounded furious.</p>
<p>“Nothing...I promise.” Cas croaked. His voice was so weak and small compared to Dean’s.</p>
<p>That was the last thing Jack heard before passing out again.</p>
<p>Jack woke up but didn’t open his eyes for a while. He heard another conversation.</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, I have been.” He heard Cas say. He opened his eyes. Cas and Dean were outside the door of which was shut.</p>
<p>“What the fuck, Cas?!” Dean yelled. It took a moment for him to calm down. “What is it?” </p>
<p>“I...I saw his ribs.” Cas spoke quietly. Guilt laced his voice. “Dean, he’s so frail.” There was a moment silence of silence before the sound if a strike to the face that made Jack’s whole body shake.</p>
<p>Cas entered the room and greeted Jack with a smile his cheeks was red. Jack looked at him solemnly. It broke his heart that Cas pretended everything was fine.</p>
<p>Jack felt like he was in a hole. A hole with no way to get out. No one to pull him out. He knew Dean had suspicions, but Dean was soon bad with helping people with personal issues. Sam and no idea. And Cas was too quiet. </p>
<p>Part of Jack wishes Cas would say something do Sam, who would actually help. Part of him didn’t want help.</p>
<p>Two days later, Jack recovered. He would, however, get headaches front time to time. Especially when processing something too big, thinking too hard, or just too much noise at a time.</p>
<p>To celebrate Jack’s recovery, they threw yet another party. Sam did warn all the guests if his reasons for headaches.</p>
<p>Claire locked eyes with Jack signaling that she knew his secret. He stared back. Practically mentally begging for her norm to tell Sam. That was showcased through his eyes. Claire hesitated at first, but nodded, not knowing how bad it had become.</p>
<p>Jack saw Sam and Dean talking to a boy that he never met. The boy was around Dean’s height but skinnier. Not unhealthily skinny, like Jack.</p>
<p>Sam saw Jack staring and motioned him to come over. Jack walked cautiously, as he would fall when overloaded with thoughts, as he was about this boy.</p>
<p>“Jack, this is Adam. Adam, this is Jack.” Sam spoke. Adam smiled at Jack and reached his hand out to shake Jack’s. </p>
<p>Jack was slightly hesitant at first but shook hand Seth the boy. The boy ran his fingers over the over exposed bones of Jack’s hand and the sores in Jack’s knuckles. Jack acted if nothing was wrong.</p>
<p>After some talking Jack became more comfortable with Adam. There were so many people in the room. The noice echoed through Jack’s head. Jack’s head started to hurt. Jack unsteadied. He began to stumble Jack put his arm against a pole to try to steady himself. It helped a bit. Jack flinched at the touch of Adam, who steadied Jack.</p>
<p>Jack smiled at Adam who smiled back. Adam examines Jack’s hands. He examined how the bones practically popped out. He examined the scars. The callouses. The sores. He saw how his skin was stretched out to cover his hand. He saw the blue tinge in his finger tips.</p>
<p>It all clicked for Adam. He saw this sweet boy, be a victim to such a horrible fate. Adam May have not known this kid for long, but fuck he was going to help him.</p>
<p>————————————————————————————————————————————————————</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack sat quietly in his bed. He had just opened up to Adam about his problems. Adam just stared at Jack. He didn’t know what to say.</p>
<p>Adam finally spoke. “Jack,” he started. Jack looked up. “what you’re doing...” Jack looked back away. He tugged at the sleeves of his thin nightshirt. It had been a week since they met. Jack had multiple binges. Adam didn’t know how to finish the sentence. “it’s...bad.”</p>
<p>Jack looked back up. He was in the verge of tears. “No...I...”</p>
<p>“Shhhh.” Adam cut Jack off. “How...how long has this been going on?” Adam looked concerned. Jack looked away. “You can trust me, Jack.” Adam reassured. They had done nothing without each other for a week. Well, Jack does his routine and goes to the bathroom without Adam.</p>
<p>“Not too long...” Jack replied. He didn’t really know how long it was going on for.</p>
<p>Adam debated whether he was telling the truth or not. Adam thought he probably wasn’t but he wasn’t going to push it out. He didn’t want to wreck the image of Jack in his mind.</p>
<p>It was dinner and Adam sped through it. Mouthful after mouthful. Adam said his goodbyes and headed to his room. Well, the room next to his. Jack’s room.</p>
<p>He opened the door and started to look everywhere without changing anything too much to avoid getting caught. Eventually, he looked behind the bed. There was a scale. Adam took it out and examined it. It looked like it had been used many times. There was paint chipped off and scratches covering it’s surfaced. Adam tucked it under his arm as he searched for something else. He knew anorexia all too well. His sister had died because of it. He wouldn’t let that happen to Jack. Adam opened one of the drawers on Jack’s desk. He searched through drawing and pencils until, in the way back, he found a leather notebook. It had a lock. Adam searched through other drawers. He looked through glue, more papers and pencils. He found a rather sharp pair of scissors. Adam cut around the lock and opened the journal. He flipped through its pages and just saw numbers, starting with “185” all the way to “100.239”. Adam’s heart broke more with every second that passed by. Then we heard a creaking.</p>
<p>“A-Adam?” Jack stepped into the room. “What are you doing?”</p>
<p>Adam quickly hid the journal and scale behind him. “N-Nothing.” Adam lied. He slickly slipped the journal into the drawer and covered the scale with scattered papers.</p>
<p>“Why are you in my room?” Jack asked. He took a few more steps.</p>
<p>“Uh...no reason.” Adam lied again. His heart beat rapidly.</p>
<p>Jack looked behind him and saw the badly covered scale.</p>
<p>“Why are you looking through my stuff?!” Jack was on the verge of tears. </p>
<p>“I...I...needed to know how long. And judging by my findings, it’s been a very long time.” Adam replied. He looked down at Jack’s cluttered floor.</p>
<p>“So now you don’t trust me?” Jack asked, letting a few tears out.</p>
<p>Adam pulled out the leather journal. “The proof is right here.” He held out the journal and faced it towards Jack. Adam flipped through the pages.</p>
<p>Jack broke out into sobs. “Go away!” Jack screamed. Thankfully not loud enough for anybody else to hear, and the door was closed. </p>
<p>Adam didn’t budge. Jack glanced at the scissors on the desk. “I said GO AWAY!” Jack screamed even louder, still not loud enough for anybody to hear.</p>
<p>“Jack,” Adam started. “This is unhealthy. You have to stop.” Jack glared at Adam.</p>
<p>Adam was confused. Jack didn’t look angry. Heck, he had a smile!</p>
<p>“The others have to know. Whether it’s you or me.” Adam spoke. He tried to look serious and not confused.</p>
<p>Jack moved closer to Adam and whispered into his ear. “Not a living souls but me, is gonna know about it.”</p>
<p>“B-but I’m a ‘living soul’, Jack.” Adam reminded. His voice was shaky.</p>
<p>“Exactly.” Jack spoke. These words were followed by a chuckle.</p>
<p>Adam felt a sharp pain in his stomach and and screamed a loud scream the was muffled by Jack’s hand just a second in.</p>
<p>Adam looked down at the pair of scissors he used to cut the notebook in his stomach. Adam shed a tear.</p>
<p>“J-Jack...” Adam muttered. </p>
<p>Jack’s smile vanished. “W-Wait I...I can fixthis.” The last two words were slurred.</p>
<p>Jack took the scissor out and brought a hand to Adam’s stomach. Nothing. Jack was so confused, he had no control over his powers. Jack kept trying frantically. He looked at Adam’s half closed eyes. He groaned and leaned back on the desk. The bloody scissors were on the floor.</p>
<p>Jack was debating to call someone. He didn’t want to get caught.</p>
<p>“I can do this.” He thought to himself. He placed a hand over Adam’s stomach. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried with all his might. Nothing.</p>
<p>Jack looked up at Adam. Adam’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he groaned again.</p>
<p>“Jaaack.” Adam spoke, yes he said it as if there were multiple ‘a’s.</p>
<p>Adam fell back onto the desk. His blood seeped from the back of his wound and covered the papers, journal, and scale. His eyes closed and his mouth slack.</p>
<p>“Adam?” Was the last thing Adam heard before....</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>died.</p>
<p>————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack wanted to have fun. He picked up the scissors and cut vertical it through Adam’s skin. </p>
<p>Jack tore the skin a part in pieces to expose Adam’s flesh. Jack tore through it, taking a few bites here and there. Jack got up and locked the door before going back to his experiment.</p>
<p>Jack took the snack, intestine and admired it’s length. He took a nibble. He had on reason to do this. If someone found his dead body, they wouldn’t think Jack would do such a thing. He would have to get rid of the scissors however.</p>
<p>Jack tugged at organs, some coming out. Jack took a bite of Adam’s liver. It tasted sweet. Adam had never drank in his life. Jack took more bites until he thought it was enough. There was blood all over his face and arms. There was blood on his shirt and hands. Some on his shoulders. He looked like a mess.</p>
<p>Jack headed to the bathroom and stripped down to his boxers. There were blood on his legs and pants because Jack touched them with his bloody hands.</p>
<p>———————————————————————————————————————————————————Present Time———</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jack stared into the mirror. He traced his ribs. Jack moved to look at his full body. He admired how the muscles worked. Jack was stripped down to his boxers. Jack pinched a bit of thin skin on his forearm. He looked at the mess of blood covering his body. He looked back on how he got here. His whole mess of a journey. This all started from jealousy. Now Adam was dead.</p>
<p>Jack tried to hold back tears but he just broke out into sobs. He was just sobbing for 5 minutes. His eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. They were also red themselves. Jack punch himself in the stomach, causing a bruise. He was easily bruised now.</p>
<p>Jack looked at how thin his hair was. The blue tinge on his fingertips. All the scars, sores, and callouses on his knuckles. He looked at his puffy cheeks. If he covered up, he would look a little off but fine on the face, do to his salivary glands swelling.</p>
<p>Jack’s jaw hurt. He looked into the mirror. He didn’t see a hero anymore. He saw a monster!</p>
<p>Jack punched the mirror and it chattered to pieces. Each piece was a different size, but they were all huge. Jack could still see a monster through the big pieces.</p>
<p>Jack wiped the blood off him and out clean clothes that looked relatively similar to his old ones.</p>
<p>He unlocked his door and took a deep breath.</p>
<p>Jack screamed. It was high-pitched. His dads came running. Jack was crying before so it looked real. His dads came running. Dean went to check it out, Cas stood in the doorway, and Sam tried to comfort Jack.</p>
<p>Adam was dead, everybody still thought Jack was a good person.</p>
<p>——————————————————————————————————————————————————————</p>
<p>It was a few months later. Jack binged at least three times every week. He couldn’t stop himself. He purged most of it, or at least half, but it hurt so he stopped. Jack didn’t purge as much as he used too, causing the salivary glands started to go back to normal size.</p>
<p>It was night and Jack woke up, sweating. He was panting. Jack sat up in his bed and glanced around the room. He had another nightmare. Adam came back and got his revenge. Adam was bloody and his gut were hanging out through a gap in his shirt and his skin. Adam had. A pair of scissors and did the exact same thing to Jack, just he didn’t stab him so Jack would feel every pain. The skin cutting. The flesh tearing. The organs ripped out. Ribs breaking. All of it.</p>
<p>Jack was in tears. Jack got out of bed and steadied himself. Jack tip-toed to Sam’s room. Every time Jack had a nightmare, he would go to Sam, and Sam would let him stay. Those nights being most nights. This time, however, was easily the worst out of them all. Jack stood in the doorway. He looked down at his Batman pajamas and tugged on his sleeves, a nervous habit. Despite three months passing, he was still shy to wake up Sam for comfort. He sometimes thought Sam was annoyed. That wasn’t the case, however. Sam likes it when Jack America to him. It showed trust.</p>
<p>Sam lifted his head up. “Mm?” Was Sam’s usual answer.</p>
<p>“H-Hi Sam.” Jack greeted, still standing awardee in the doorway.</p>
<p>Sad rubbed his eyes and looked back at Jack. “Jack,” He started. “hey. Come on in.” Sam motioned for Jack to come with his hand.</p>
<p>Jack did as he was told and slipped into Sam’s bed. Sam yawned and smacked his lips together.</p>
<p>“You wanna tell me about it?” He asked after a few moments of silence. It was always this awkward for Jack.</p>
<p>“Um, it was pretty bad. Easily the worst. It was so...realistic.” Jack replied. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”</p>
<p>“Alright. Goodnight.” Sam yawned again and placed his arm over Jack before dozing off. That last bit always gave Jack a sense of security. Jack dozed off by a bit.</p>
<p>Jack woke up, he glanced at the clock. 2:53 AM. Jack looked at the arm that covered him. Jack started to cry. He moved a bit, scared to wake Sam. He moved slower, but eventually slipped out of Sam’s embrace. Jack was done.</p>
<p>Jack went to the weaponry room. Jack took the blade to kill an arch-angel. That would work for a Jack.</p>
<p>Jack walked to the bathroom. He turned on the lights and locked the door.</p>
<p>Jack stared into the mirror. Jack placed the blade onto the counter. Jack stripped out of his clothes. Starting with his shirt, and ending with his boxer. Jack turned on the faucet in the tub. It filled up a bit and Jack got in. Jack took the blade and slit his left wrist. There was so much pain. He slit the other wrist. Jack put his head back and let the blood flow from his wrist. Blood flowed into the tub and some along the outside causing a pool of blood on the floor. Jack’s blood was practically all over the floor and in the tub. The bloody water started to over flow.</p>
<p>Jack had written his note earlier explaining everything. It was accompanied by the leather notebook.</p>
<p>Jack’s dads were all up now. Cas, of course being first, since he does not sleep.</p>
<p>The bathroom doorknob rattled. Water started to seep out. All three dads were there. Sam was the one at the door. He was the first to notice, since Jack usually waits for Sam to wake up when he sleeps in his room. Dean pushed Sam aside and kicked the door open. The doors in the bunker were quiet old.</p>
<p>The first thing Sam was were the blood-soaked Batman pajama on the floor along with his boxers and socks. Blood was everywhere. They looked into the bathtub to see a dead, naked Jack. A notebook and paper was on the counter. Sam ignore dit and went straight to Jack. Sam held the worst of the arm outside the tub.</p>
<p>“No, no, no.” Sam muttered. Sam shook Jack, desperately trying to wake him up. His jeans were blood soaked. They saw the blade in the floor. Sam kept trying to wake up Jack until Dean placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder signaling, “he ‘s gone, Sammy.” No one could speak.</p>
<p>Sam turned to ten counter. He frantically read the note that chase shim to sob even more.</p>
<p>Dear Dean, Cas, and Sam,</p>
<p>I was the one to kill Adam. I did it all. I found him looking in my room. He was going to tell you my secret, and I couldn’t have that. I didn’t want to stop. I kept having nightmares in how Adam would get his revenge. I would feel everything. The cutting of my skin. The tearing on my flesh. The breaking of my ribs. </p>
<p>I will tell you my secret. I stopped eating to drip weight. I was jealous of you guys. You have such amazing bodies. Muscular and perfect. I tried to get that but couldn’t. I felt fat. So I searched how to lose weight easily. When I started to get hungry, I still kept going. It was working. Soon the hunger became unbearable. I still didn’t eat. Dean started to shove food in front of me, which I appreciate. I just didn’t want to keep it down. I didn’t want the weight. So I threw it up.</p>
<p>I love you guys and I am so sorry. I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I’m sorry that you had to see me slowly ruin myself. Mentally and physically. I’m sorry you saw me turn into the monster I’ve become. I’m sorry. I know you won’t forgive me. You can’t. I don’t want you to.</p>
<p>And because of Cas’ deal, I won’t go to the empty. I hope you guys never see me again. I don’t want you to. If you did, you’d be dead, just like me. If you see me, you’d be in Hell, which is where I’m going. I know it. I can already feel the flames flickering around me.</p>
<p>I love you guys more than anything in the world. Thank you for trying to help me. Thank you for keeping me safe from the monsters in the outside. Little did you know, the real monster was inside all along.</p>
<p>Goodbye,</p>
<p>Jack Kline.</p>
<p>Sam read the note aloud. He choked on his sobs. Dean hugged Sam. Cas just stood in the doorway. None of them expected this. </p>
<p>There was only one thing to do. There was only one way to stop Sam from following down the same path Jack took. Thankfully, Cas knew exactly who to ask....</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>.....They needed to bring Jack back.</p>
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